We are at the point in summer where most vacations have been taken, camps are over, it’s hot outside, and we are already running out of ideas to keep everyone busy. You may have a teen/preteen who is completely content with playing video games, watching Netflix, or scrolling through their phone ALL day. You might wonder how to get them to step away from the screen and spend time with you.

By the end of this post, you will get some tips on how to get your teen to unplug from devices and reconnect with you.

EVERYONE unplugs

This is one of those things that seems obvious, but it is so hard to do! So many parents (myself included) tell their kids to turn off the TV/gaming system/phone and do something productive while actively scrolling through TikTok or answering emails that can wait. If there is one thing that teens are looking out for, it’s hypocrisy, and they will quickly become resentful if you are not “practicing what you preach.”

Find a time you all put away electronics (including phones) and spend some quality time together. It could be to play a board game, go on a hike or you might get in the car and drive somewhere together. (Bonus tip: the best place to talk to your teen is IN THE CAR! They feel less pressure when you are both looking forward than if they have to look you in the eye, so they will be more willing to open up).

Ask for their input

I know what some of you are thinking right now...., “anytime I ask my teen a question, they say they don’t know or shrug their shoulders." You are right. Many preteens and teens revert to one-word answers when put on the spot, but remember, this is usually the hormones speaking.

Even though it may seem like they don’t care, they actually do. I have had students sitting in my office telling me that they wish they could do more with their families. One male student even told me he spent so much time in his room because he was bored, but he would come out more often if someone asked him to do something!

Here are some suggestions if you think you might get a one-word response. The first is to give them time. Let them know that you want to take them somewhere later in the week, provide parameters on cost, and tell them they can think about what they want to do.

The second suggestion is to give them choices. Pick two or three options you think they might like and let them choose. If they don’t like your options, it might be enough for them to suggest an idea on their own.

Do something creative together

Go to a cooking class or let them pick something they want for dinner and make it together. Go to a pottery class or start a puzzle together at home. Buy a new piece of furniture for their room that you can put together or find an old piece that you can refurnish!

It doesn't have to be expensive. The point is to take on a project together. You will spend quality time with each other, and both feel satisfied with finishing a project. If it doesn’t turn out how you want it to, you will have a funny story to tell.

Let them teach you

As parents, we spend so much time telling our kids what they should and should not do. Yes, we should teach them the best we know how, but we don’t know everything! You might be surprised at some things your kid knows how to do.

For this one, you can pick something they are good at or ask them for help when you truly need it. Anything to do with technology is usually a safe bet. They spend so much time on computers and phones that they either already know how to do it or can figure it out!

Volunteer together

Serving others is one of the best ways to pull out of a depression or a bad mood. Volunteering with someone is even better because it helps to feel more connected. Find a food pantry, or animal shelter, or look through this list of ideas.

Bringing other people (or animals) joy is a natural high because it releases endorphins in our bodies. Natural highs can not only be helpful if your teen is experiencing depression, but they can also help if you suspect alcohol or drug use.
Natural High is an organization dedicated to helping teens find alternatives to substance use. I encourage you to check them out!

Be present

I can’t stress this one enough. If your child is eating breakfast at the table, sit down with them. If they are watching TV in the living room, join them and see what they are watching. Even if they are playing video games, feel free to pick up a controller and challenge them.

Meet them in their world. The key here is to not enter their world and immediately ask questions. You can test the waters to see if they are willing to engage in conversation but stop if there is resistance.

Just sitting next to them is enough. You are sharing an experience together. They might “make the first move” and talk to you. Even if they don’t, having you around shows you care about their interests enough to give some of your time.

This list is not exhaustive, but it is a great start. If you have any more tips, feel free to share them! Most importantly, if you try all of these things and still don't connect, there is possibly something deeper going on. Your teen may need professional support to pull out of it. Click here to find out more about counseling for teens.

Ways to Connect with Your Teen (or Preteen) This Summer