After years of counseling in schools, I have noticed some common causes of teen anxiety and taught some effective strategies to help manage it. If you are a teen reading this blog post, by the end you will have a sense of whether counseling might be right for you.

If you are a parent reading this post, I encourage you to read it through the eyes of your child. Try to understand what they are experiencing and you may find it easier to relate to their struggles.

#1 - Pressure to Perform

It happens to all of us; we feel like we have to push harder, do better and outperform others. High school is one of the few times (and for many the only time) where our performance is ranked against our peers. Not only does it seem like you have to be at the top, but you also have to do well in extra-curricular activities, participate in community service and contribute at home. It can feel like you are never enough and perfection is the goal, but it is always out of reach.

#2 - Over-scheduling

6-8 AM - Practice

8 AM-4 PM - School

4-5 PM - Practice

6-9 PM - Work

9 PM-12 AM - Homework

Your schedule may not look exactly like this, but I bet it’s close! If you are an athlete, you can also expect to have one or two games a week that may get you home even later. If you aren’t in any after-school activities, you might have longer work hours after school or be expected to help with younger siblings at home.

With such a busy schedule, when do you find the time to relax, spend time with family or enjoy downtime with friends? Stress builds over time, creating anxiety, and you may struggle to pinpoint the source.

#3 - Poor Boundaries (either too much or not enough)

Do you feel like your parents are too strict? You might have messed up a couple of times, but you received consequences for it and it now feels like no matter what you do, you aren’t able to regain any trust. You are so close to being an adult that you feel like you should get a little more freedom, but it feels like the only way you can is by sneaking around.

Or maybe your parents are your best friends (except when they aren’t). Most of the time it’s fun and you feel like you can talk to them about anything, but other times, you feel like you wish you had a little more privacy. You don’t want to tell them, because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

#4 - Friend/Relationship Drama

It can be hard to know who you can trust. It always seems like everyone is talking about someone and you are never quite sure if the spotlight will turn on you.

Maybe it has turned on you at one point. Someone you thought was a friend broke your confidence or told people things about you that weren’t true.

Maybe you are constantly stuck in the middle of everyone else’s drama. You’re not sure whose side you should be on and you just wish everyone would respect each other and get along. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, fearing that you might lose friendships.

#5 - Significant Life Changes

Your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you. You moved to another town where you don’t know anyone. Your parents are fighting and talking about divorce. These are all called living losses, and the grief that follows is real and can be overwhelming. The instability of not knowing what comes next can cause anxiety.

You also may have experienced an actual loss of someone close to you. The disruption of your normal routine can be very upsetting and may take some time to process.

What to do about it?

It helps to have someone to talk to. You may already talk to your friends, but they don’t quite fulfill your need. You know that they care, but sometimes they are quick to judge or give unwanted advice.

You also probably want to talk to your parents, but you’re not sure how. They seem like they are always busy and you don’t want to add one more thing to their plate.

There are proven ways to help you reprioritize your life and adjust how you view the world around you. Counseling can lessen your anxiety by helping you see things from a different perspective. A counselor can also help you find ways to talk to your parents and other trusted adults in your life to get the support that you need.

* Note to Parents*

It may seem like some of these points are exaggerated or like they don’t apply to your child. I get it. I am a mom too, and I want to believe that my children feel comfortable talking to me. Unfortunately, that’s not always reality.

If things aren’t great right now, I encourage you to let your child read this to see if anything speaks to them. If it does, it can open up a conversation about how counseling can help.

There are many benefits to counseling. If you’re wondering whether it may help, talk about it as a family. Feel free to contact me for a free 15-minute consultation.

Five Common Causes for Anxiety in Teens